Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
