it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
