someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
