How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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