Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
