I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
