It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
