Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
