It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
