There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
