my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
