So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
