Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
