A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
