I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
