If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize