Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize