weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
