i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
