I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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