My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
