i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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