I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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