Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
