I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
