I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
