just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
