what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize