there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
