Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
