she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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