I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
