I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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