I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
