I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
