Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize