So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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