Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
