I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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