Say something about gay babies.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
