Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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