in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
