we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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