were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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