all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
