I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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