I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
