I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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