Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
