Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
