is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
