just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
