You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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