new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
