I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
