woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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