My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
