I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
