PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
