I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
