Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
