Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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