I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
