hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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