I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
