She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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