She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
