I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
