and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
