it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
