Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
