I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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