im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
