my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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