hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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