FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
