Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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