I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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