It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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