Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
