You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
