Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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