My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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