Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
