I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
