If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
