I wish I only lived at night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dignity is for republicans.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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