I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
