lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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