I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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