Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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