He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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