Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
