Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize