so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
