No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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