i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
