Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
