Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
