Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
