pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
