Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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