that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
