My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize