So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Green mimosas i think yes
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
