I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
