then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was born a porn star she said
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
