So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
