I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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