Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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