dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
