so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
