oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
