So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize