so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
